Dear October: A Letter to The Darkness (Short Film)  [CC]

Dear October: A Letter to The Darkness (Short Film) [CC]

(peaceful music) – Dear October, you snuck in early this year. In the middle of September I felt your chill icing
around the edges of my heart. While everyone around me
celebrates the return of scarves and pumpkin spice lattes, I began to crawl into myself. I wish I could participate in their joy. The playful Halloween
decorations that have begun to adorn my neighborhood frighten me Vermont’s rose faces. October, I wish we could reconcile. I wish that I didn’t know you
as a thing of my nightmares. Your air is a weapon against me. If I step outside and breathe it in, my lungs are punctured with
knives of so many memories. I wish I could disassociate
myself from them. Your crisp, beautiful
blue skies exist only to remind me of the
days I learned nothing. Nothing would ever feel safe again. As my neighbors celebrate
the seasons change, I wrap myself with the
small comfort of knowing that this month must end soon. Maybe one day I will
greet you with open arms. Maybe one day I too
will gleefully rebel in October’s call for sweaters and cozy hats. Maybe one day you won’t simply
serve as a clear reminder of who I’ll never be again. Of all I’ve lost. For today, I cling to
the knowledge that you are but a moment of my year. You must pass. And I will then breathe again with ease.

100 thoughts on “Dear October: A Letter to The Darkness (Short Film) [CC]

  1. Thank you for sharing this. Where did you get that wonderful journal from? I'm looking for a new one and that one looks fantastic

  2. ❤️❤️ You have my heart with this video. It broke watching and listening to your words. I wish I could write each calendar without October in it. Skip it completely for you. You have so many people supporting you, especially during this month. Love as always……❤️

  3. I just want to say this sincerely, I have always loved your channel and your content from the very start a year ago. But lately, it's like you've hit a stepping off point where the quality has jumped up more than just a step or two. You are getting seriously good at this!

  4. Oh man and here I went sharing a pumpkin spice latte recipe with you. Sorry. All I can say is, this has to end. One year, october will have already begun before you noticed. Before it felt heavy. Maybe even won't feel heavy anymore some day. It has to end. It will. Hugs.

  5. We can’t change the things that happen to us, but we can decide how we respond to them. Try not to let those bad things steal an entire lovely month from you. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, but don’t let it continue to win. You have much love in your life now. Hold onto the present 💗🙏🏻

  6. I hope you get October back someday…it’s such a unique and sensory month, it looks, feels, tastes, and smells different than any other month. All of the fall activities and foods, the leaves changing, Halloween, decorations, the change in weather, the change in clothes, it’s not surprising that all of those sensations bring up memories for you. Our physical senses are such effective memory triggers, and it makes sense that they would trigger feelings about your trauma. Senses are really common triggers. I think it would happen to anyone. Hope you feel better soon. ❤️

  7. Wow, Jo. This was really deep. I love you so much and I am so sorry you had to go through that trauma. I hope you’re doing ok❤️

  8. with time you will find a way to manage the month of october and when your walking with your prostetic you will have a tone of amazing costumes you can become. a time of year that we hate is very common mine is april because that is the month that my mum past away. ps loved the video really cool style

  9. I feel you Jo. My nephew, birthday Oct. 5. I never get to see him since my mom died….my brother and I do not speak. October 10th…my dad and my gram's bday…both gone now. Oct. 13 my fiance and my nieces birthday who I also don't get to see since me and my brother no longer speak since my moms death. My fiance….he had a heart attack at 50. Gone. I hate October….. God bless you Jo I hope you are feeling better…

  10. While I do enjoy October, I think I understand your message. And it brought tears to my eyes. You have a way of evoking some deep emotional reservoir in me at times. As I've aged, I find that the times and events that brought me great distress in my youth have faded somewhat, but there will always be an ache that I have to acknowledge. I hope one day you are able to find that the joy you deserve replaces the pain you feel now. Hugs!

  11. This hit me so deep. I was not expecting this to make me curl up and cry. November is my hard month, I experienced things in the 1st two weeks of November that changed me. I will never be the person I was again and I just wanted to reach out to you Jo, because I have an idea of the pain that October brings you. I know I am a random person on the internet, but I have followed your journey on this channel from the begining and I just want to say that you are strong and once this month passes you will be a little stronger. Love you Jo! 🖤

  12. As I've aged, I've accumulated various dates of dread… we all do. Every year we watch the calendar as they march slowly toward us. Taunting us. Threatening us. Stealing the control of our lives and minds. As we get closer to the actual date, the tension builds, until we wonder how we'll ever be able to carry the weight it piles on our shoulder. But here is the thing… Just as it came, it's going to march away… and there is nothing it can do to prevent that. If nothing else, another 30-40s of it has gone away while you've read this. Take that you crappy month!
    Hugs offered.

  13. Dear Jo, I hope this October and every October to come flies by for you. My father passed away on May 27th. May 12th and 14th were my parents anniversary and my father's birthday. My dad has been gone for over 20 years but May is still a tough month for me. I can't imagine the trauma you endured but just know that you are loved and we are here to listen. Even though we don't know each other in person I am here for you if you need an empathetic ear.

  14. This October is hard for me because it reminds me of all the fun times with my great grandma and now she is injured and so now we can’t do anything like that anymore 😢😢😢

  15. My two months are April and May but I don’t remember exact dates. I enjoy the rain and the spring and wildflowers so I focus on those.

  16. Me: Dear Presidency of Donald Trump [insert speech of "Dear October"]
    Presidency of Donald Trump, you must pass, then I will breathe again with ease. I've had enough of this moron and he is hurting me psychologically.

    Please don't smash me if you're a Trump supporter, I recognize different people have different views.


  18. The tough month for me is probably January

    My brothers' birthday is in Jan. and they grow up too fast (despite I grow up at the same rate)

    January 2017- My grandfather died and simultaneously a moron took the presidency
    January 2019- Said moron's government shutdown began to psychologically hurt me and invoke fear in me, did not harm me directly but gave me a feeling of fear

    Other things too that I don't really feel comfortable sharing

  19. Ever since my father passed away on Oct. 31, 2004, October has not been the same. I throw myself into busyness of planning our Churches annual Harvest Fest… but things always pop up, like this year I on week 3 of sciatica oh joy….yep it’s a long difficult month for sure!

  20. It takes a lot of courage to recognize what you feel in this month. The time will come when you will reconcile with your experiences. You are a very strong woman and a wonderful human being.

  21. Your poem has haunted me all afternoon. I felt very conflicted. I was partly weighed down with sadness but also lifted with the reminder that sadness can lift with the passage of time. I think I want to say thank you but I'm not sure yet. Sigh

  22. Hi Jo. This post had me thinking. I know you've been to allllll kinds of therapy but have you tried EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is for PTSD which I believe you said you struggle with. It doesn't work for everyone but it works for most in varying degrees…..usually, more to a positive outcome. The key is to find someone who is good at it, has been doing it for more than six months, while at the same time, has done it so long but hasn't kept up with the advances. My two-cents worth that you didn't ask for, but I'm old so I'm hoping you'll forgive me if I've overstepped your boundaries. Blessings, Grannie Annie from Maine

  23. October is turning out to be a rough one for me too, after last year. The sight of halloween decorations and fall leaves in the chilly air broke my heart this year. I'm hoping it can be an opportunity to come to terms with the grief and trauma of last year. Thanks for showing us so beautifully that we are not alone.

  24. hello Jo! I had a thought while watching this video, but haven't spent too much time on it, so it may have flaws I haven't weeded out yet, but I'll voice it anyways. Maybe, you could think of October as a milestone, instead of a stabbing reminder? Like, you are one more October away from [insert thing here]. But, I know trauma isn't a thing to be changed with just one thought, so it may not be of any help to you.
    Any way, thank you for sharing your story I think you are fabulous and pretty lit and groovy.
    💜💛💛💜💜 Stay rad

  25. I'm sorry that October is such a horrid reminder of memories that should never have been left… for me, October 1st is my bday, and a symbol that fall is truly around the corner. Fall- that time of year when nature sheds the old prepares for hibernation, waiting, once again for the sun kissed warmth of spring that allows life to bloom.
    This year has been the worst October, emotionally, but, I have to look at the bigger picture.. without it, nature cannot shed properly, it cannot prepare for its winter retreat, therefore, there won't be any new spring growth.

  26. My bad months are November and February–they are anniversaries for the worst days of my life. Hugs to you during this time.

  27. I hope your month passes quickly with lots of pleasant moments and good memories. I know how it feels to have a certain kind of weather remind you of trauma and it’s the worst.

  28. October last year my mom was Diagnosed with cancer. And on that day I woke up and was so excited it was the first day of the year i could put on long pants and sweatshirt and not sweat. I drove to work like every other day and then my world shattered. I choose to still love October because I cannot not dwell on that past and the terror we all felt those 3 weeks of hospitals stays, ivs, and the unknown. I choose to love October because I have to. If I continue to look back I will forget all the wonderful milestones my mom is headed toward. Does that mean that this Saturday I will not be a mess? Absolutely not, I fully expected tears of sadness and joy. But I choose to love October because I have to

  29. This is beautiful Jo. I'm so sorry that October is such a hard month for you. I hope with you that one day it won't be quite so hard. So glad you have supportive family and friends.

  30. Beautifully done, Jo.
    Next year, you and your hubby should consider coming down to Australia to spend your October. It's spring here now, the weather has warmed up but isn't too punishing yet. Make some new memories and associations in a warmer clime – it might just be the reset/reboot you need to redefine your relationship with October 🙂

  31. Written with true meaning. Trauma is hard to get over but I hope one year you both can reconcile and the year can be complete. Keep smiling. Take care and stay safe. I know you'll stay strong. 💖💖💖

  32. We love you. We’re thinking of you. And we have your back. You will get through October. And one day it won’t be as painful. I believe that. Sending strength and love your way. 💜

  33. Well damn it’s like I could have written it myself! Idk even know what to say about it! It’s so true tho!

  34. October is a trauma Anniversary and reminder for not only me, but so many around me. Every year something horrible happens at my university. Every year I see my moms PTSD bubble back to a peak, reminding us of the murder my parents witnessed and the threats against my family for it. And the addict cousin who broke into the house I was in. And the trauma I had to keep to myself because of what this month has already done to those around me. October will never feel safe to me

  35. I’m sorry October is hard for you. I have some issues with September, but I’m not really a fan of October, either.

  36. It's very sad to want to wish time away.
    We all do it so often.
    But I try to catch myself, even from wishing the hour to end.

  37. October was the month I flew by myself from Idaho to Alabama to be tested and found out the doctor I had traveled all that way to see, left while I sat in my paper gown waiting( she had a sick child and had to pick them up from school 😭😭😭) . I went through tilt table testing and other exhausting tests that made me sick alone. I sat and got a diagnosis after years of searching that was devastating. Sat alone as they told me there was no cure and treatments were difficult and only palliative and that it was progressive. I was alone when they told me I would never work in my beloved career as an R.N. again. I went back to an empty hotel room so sick from the testing, I contemplated having to get to an ER. I cried over the phone to my family, heartsick, exhausted and unwell, wishing I had someone to hold me. I missed my flight home due to an airline error and bawled my eyes out in an airport, just needing so badly to be home. Easily one of the most traumatic times in my life. What’s with that month anyway?

  38. I am struggling a bit, trying to adjust my circadian rithym. You would not believe how much shit you miss when you sleep from 0730 to 1600 every day. Are there not others who are awake at night? What about 3rd shifters, they're just like me. Are they made to feel as ostracized as I am? I just want to be myself and be accepted. Is that so bad? I know that what I'm talking about is just not as serious as what you are going through, but it frustrates tbe hell out of me. May I have your thoughts on it? Thanks, Signed The Powertenor, George Busby. PS:The video was achingly beautiful. It made me want to reach through my Kindle and hug the pain away. Tell Brian, that's his job and he better get on it. G.

  39. I've gotta try these pumpkin spice lattes that u Americans love 😂.
    October next year will be better for u I just know it sweetie

  40. Hi Jo. I just have to tell you that dont be alone making just videos at home! Surround with positive people for you all give each other good and positive vibes! Blessings.

  41. In a way that was really beautiful but heart wrenching at the same time. What really got me was the short clip where you closed the car door and locked it, for some reason that choked me up, it was a small hint and not feeling safe. I hope you're able to find some joy during this month, and as time goes on the good memories of Octobers start to outweigh the bad memories. Thanks again for being real with us.

  42. Thats what most in the world fail to see. In the end only words hold never fading beauty. I love this. 💖👏👏

  43. I so deeply understand how October can bring back so many memories from the beginning of fall from years ago. My memories are just bitter sweet so I can't imagine this time only bringing back trauma. Season changes are such an emotional time because we can't ignore that the fact that life is full of change during that time. I hope that one day the shift from summer to winter will remind you of a chance to refresh into a new season like it does for me. Love this vid ♥️ I'm glad that I get to witness your journey in healing ♥️

  44. Beautiful and painful Jo… wow. Hey, since October snuck in on you early this year, maybe you can balance it by kicking it OUT early too? Best wishes and prayers… I know this is a difficult time for many folks. But you're stronger than you know… and you can make it.

  45. For me it's the months of November through December. I hate the holidays but I push myself to find happiness and joy during that time.
    November was once a great time with birthdays and Thanksgiving but now its full of dread. My dad was born in November he also died in November.

  46. When the things you have lost begin to overwhelm you, remember the things you have won.
    When the things you can not do begin to seem like everything, remember the things you can do.
    When you learn that nothing will ever feel safe again, learn that that is wrong.
    I kind of feel the same way about this month. My mother passed away in October, 2016. I know that my feelings of October can't compare to yours, but remember, October is only 8% of the year.

  47. So heartfelt so heartbreaking and so beautifully written. By all the comments you are certainly not alone. So take comfort in that.

  48. Hugs Jo I'm here if you need to talk your a good wrighter wish I could Wright like that loved hearing you read it I think you should Wright a book and make an audio one 💜

  49. October is so interesting to me because it feels like the beginning of the end. I get very depressed during the winter, so during October it feels full of last. Last laughs, last rays of sunshine, last days of warm weather, last month of feeling okay. So it is a very bittersweet month, happiness that I'm still feeling well, but dread that all too soon my wellness will go away.

  50. Thank you for sharing this with us. October is hard for me for different reasons, mostly that it's when the seasonal affective disorder reaches in and really tries to take control of my life. I am fighting it as best I can. I hope you have success fighting your good fight, too.

  51. I know this have nothing to do with the video, BUT: what is the little green thing in the drinking opening on her coffee cup at 01:20? ☕🤔

  52. Wishing you peace and love my friend from New York, Been following you on your on journey. October is difficult month for me as well, is a month of passing of my father in 2003. Am a mental health survivor.

  53. This made me cry.

    My due date for my second child was October 1st. I found out our baby had no heartbeat on march 7th, and she was taken from me on March 12th. Since then I’ve been dreading October, and it’s even harder since I haven’t gotten pregnant again despite another 6 months of trying. But It will end, October won’t last forever. Maybe it will end with a new life riding along with me again. I hope so.

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